Reflections on 10 years
As I woke up this morning next a wonderful man with whom I am building a lovely relationship, I was struck by how much has changed over the last 10 years. As I sit today, I am sublimely happy but I also know that isn’t an accident. I worked my ass off for this happy.
My Happiness Project
About 5 years ago, I read Gretchen Rubin’s “The Happiness Project” and I thought this would be an interesting topic for a sermon. If you are not familiar with the book, Rubin decided to take a year and embark on a happiness project. She’d pick a different area every month and engage in some sort of self-help like project around that topic. January was Boost Energy (think new year’s resolution), February was Remember Love with a focus on her marriage, April Aim Higher with a focus on her career and so on.
Skipping the Beginning
Recently, I had the opportunity to speak with a group of women who are in the midst of a coaching program that I completed last year. The goal of the program is to grow your relationship skills and resolve the barriers that have kept you from creating a great relationship. As a graduate of the program, the women had a lot of questions for me and most of the questions centered around how I am showing up in relationships now differently than I had in the past. In the conversation though, I had a realization about myself that I hadn’t quite been able to articulate previously.
Music as Therapy
Recently I was putting together a mixtape of sorts (I think the kids call them playlists today). Remember those? For me it almost always started with a song and I’d build from there. Finding a group of songs that fit together in such a way as to tell a story, so share a part of myself. I remember the mixtapes I made for friends, the mixtapes that were made for me by friends and loves. Music is such a powerful medium for processing emotions.
A Lot versus Well
Last night in a conversation with a dear friend, she said something that hit me as deeply profound. She was talking about an experience with her boyfriend – an experience of deep vulnerability for her and she said, “he loves me so well”. It’s a simple statement but wow.
Bullies and your inner critic
“Bullies are scared people trapped in scarier bodies.” This quote, or something very close to it, came to me by way of the wonderful Michelle Obama from her memoir “Becoming”. It goes hand in hand with something that seems to be very popular right now “hurt people hurt other people”.
Why we don’t listen to ourselves!
About 13 years ago, I went on a first date. We met via Craigslist Personals of all god forsaken places! (this was before it really just became solely for transactional sex). We emailed back and forth and then met at a bar where a friend was bartending that evening. It almost wasn’t a real date – I had a few friends with me.
Are you emotionally slutty?
About a year ago, I was working with my friend, coach, and teacher, Kira Sabin, and we were recording a podcast. In a moment of describing how I had previously shown up in relationships, I described myself as emotionally slutty. I think I actually giggled when the words came out of my mouth, but I also loved them immediately. It was the perfect descriptor of how I had shown up for years.
Different ≠ Bad
If you were to meet 22 year old me….you’d probably have to explain to her the difference between a latte and cappuccino! But more than that, if you sat down with Amanda of 25 years ago and asked her what 47 year old Amanda’s life would look like – she would have had a very clear picture and it would have looked like this: